It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.Mandy Hale
A girlfriend gave me a new word a little while ago – SCANXIETY – one which I had never experienced until today. She gave me an example of when you are nervous going for a scan, in case the wretched cancer is back. I laughed when she was explaining this new word that apparently is known to each cancer survivor, how this came back to bite me!
Having completed my active treatment of breast cancer last week (was it only five days ago), today was the day I went for my annual mammogram and ultrasound since my cancer diagnosis in August 2020.
All was going well; I managed the mammogram with the female technician and then was taken to the ultrasound room. It was while I was waiting for the Radiographer when it hit. This was very similar to the room (or even perhaps the very room) in which I heard about my breast cancer following the ultrasound and then had my biopsy a few days later! The trauma of both these events along with the treatment cycle of over twelve months and scanxiety had a new victim – ME!
The ultrasound of my breast seemed to take forever as I rested on the bed nervously shaking, it seemed to take forever, and I realise he was being very thorough. Up and down and across every contour of my breast. I attempted looking at the screen but found this too overwhelming, back to rubbing my hands on my jeans in an effort to calm myself down. Waiting and waiting and finally the experience is over. Now to wait for the results! I imagine my GP, Oncologist and Surgeon will call me in due course.
I am so exhausted tonight and I wasn’t that long away from home! Nothing like a shot of adrenaline to get you going and then crashing!
Apparently, I am now on an annual call back for a period of time. Hoping that the scanxiety gets a little easier next year, however, from all accounts I don’t think so. I hope I am more prepared next year.