“You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”Roy T. Bennett
I was talking to someone recently about the change process and how it is difficult to make change – even when we really want it. It takes approximately ninety days to embed the “new” thing in our life and we often revert back to the old way of doing things quite quickly when tired or upset. In a way, we often self-sabotage OR we allow others to influence us – and they may sabotage, for whatever reason.
Self-sabotage can happen either unconsciously or consciously. An unconscious self-sabotage could be procrastinating about an assignment and then not having the time to spend on it, therefore reducing the possible marks. A deliberate (or conscious) self-sabotage is deciding to eat a “wrong” food when on a healthy eating plan. What happens next is really important. If we decide it is a lapse, we will continue on attempting the new healthier eating plan. If, for some reason, we decide that we have relapsed, this gives us permission to continue to eat the non-healthier options and we are back to the beginning, waiting to recommence at some time in the future. The language that we speak, even in our self-talk is so powerful.
When I worked at the Mental Health Service, we had group therapy called “Dialectical Behavioural Therapy” and we often spoke to the participants that as they grew and developed themselves – that this may impact on their relationships. Others are used to us behaving in a certain way and may feel uncomfortable of the positive changes in you, even though it means that you are getting better. This is often as it changes their role in the relationship. This may make them feel that they preferred the old you – not the new version AND they may attempt to influence (or sabotage) you to behave in the old way.
Being strong and facing up to the sabotage, whether it is yourself or others – takes a little work. Boundaries may need to be implemented with others and self-care and self-talk for yourself.
All the best to you whilst going through the change process and be kind to yourself if you do lapse at any stage.